Once again, I let my disease get the best of me, but this time my family had enough. They were so displeased and disgusted with Konstance. They became biased; that any change could happen. Despite, learning new habits in rehad and finally getting my addiction wrapped into a manageable state. Not to mention my state of affairs wasn’t fair. I was in a state of emergency because the State of Wisconsin doesn’t play fair. I had no fairground anywhere, so yes, I dare to impair because I wasn’t paired up with anybody to help me.
I now found my life threatened by the constant abuse from my family. I was fed up with their twisted ways of getting back at me. They were purple people eaters. I was already scuffed with blue on black from my addiction and their steadfast jabs of insults pulverized me. Nothing like kicking a woman while their down. I was under constant surveillance. Anything I said or did was wrong. But if they did the same exact thing it was fine. I just wanted to be accepted. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Now things went from bad to worse and I was already off to a bad start. It caught me off balance. I didn’t see this coming I was blindsided, while I was on the side lines. They said they loved me, they said they wanted me back, but I guess I was still on bad terms with them. I didn’t know the terms and condition no one told me. It was the bad, the bad, and the ugly fugly! For I was the ugly duckling. I had crippled my image so bad they thought I was incapable of doing anything. It didn’t matter how much I kissed their butt.
Their true colors came flying at me with a splat and I would slip every single time. I became more and more vulnerable to neglect how much I put behind the plunger. With all rigorous honesty I didn’t want to live. Some would say it was a coward’s way out. If that’s the case a coward dies a hundred deaths inside before the final call.
A woman’s got to do, what a woman’s got to do. They were hurting me more. This wasn’t helping me. Just when I thought it was the last lap. Then someone in my family would snap. I was on the world’s biggest seesaw. Did you see what I saw Stephanie just do? All I could do is withdraw. It was a painful sensation. I needed the sedation.
I wish I would have saw I needed to love my family at a distance. Because all they were doing was dissing me until I had no stance. I was trying to mend the bond I broke to soon. A sober house would have helped. To be with others that could share their “experience, strength, and hopes” with me.