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Title Idle

Updated: Sep 28

It seems upon entry of the drug loopty loop you must know death awaits around any and every corner. It doesn’t need a doorstep! Because every step you take is headed in deaths direction. That’s why I need direction from this dick head erection! Who added the dick to the family? Well that’s irrelevant! I’m here now! I didn’t realize or even idealize this would be the path I’d be taking in life, but I had a cutthroat environment. In all actuality the cut was on my foot, and I couldn’t get the infection to go away. I remember stating, “I am one big walking infection” and sure enough little did I know my gallbladder stopped working, but I didn’t have the gull to tell anyone mainly because I didn’t know yet. It all fell-down one fall evening my favorite season the fall is for me I always take the fall. The trees were beautiful as I looked up from the garage coming down from my high. I just kicked out my boy fiend, Jared, earlier that morning mind you. Yes, I was mad but in all reality. I still do reality checks no matter how high the high is I come back to earth for short spurts. I was mainly just mad at something stupid but deep down in my heart I knew that was the ONLY way back to my children. Then I looked down the driveway and who comes a strolling on back, Jared. All I could bear to do was say your not suppose to be here. I was truly in love with him, madly in love with him. I was torn like a rock in a hard spot. Although you can’t tear rocks they break when they fall. But there was no breaking at this point! My addiction was just about to go in full throttle.


I just had my car re-posed because of the carelessness of someone who I thought I could trust. I entrusted him with my car in his name. He convinced me that Jared was not the one to put it in seeing how he just drained my account so we couldn’t pay rent and I didn’t have a job. A riddled requirement for title loan what it said in the title wasn’t for me. However, trust is something far more lost than found these days. What was I trusting in? The safe departure of a returned title. I did my taxes and payed it off right away before the car went away. This time it wasn’t a “dude where is my car?” Because Jared’s ex-girl fiend overdosed in it and who she was with ditched her in the Star Bucks parking lot and took off with my car. Ya try explaining that to the cops when the car wasn’t even mine to report stolen was a dozy.


It truly was a godsend that Jared showed up at my house that day. Another near-death experience was in the mix not because of what makes us tic, but I was sicker than I looked! He did his drug and I did mine one went up and one went down or so I thought. I then suddenly got sick, he said I had cotton fever. Just wait one cotton picking minute yes Jared stop picking at your face! He is a picker, an American picker. I had no clue it was Stephanie in the bathroom with the old needle that induced her gullish fever. Or for that matter what is cotton fever? He said you will have flu like symptoms, but don’t worry be sad in a couple hours it will pass. So, I tried to sleep it off next to him. I started to hallucinate! I tried to wake him up. Then I started puking! Next came the runs. Yes, I was running to the bathroom at first. I remember at one point being in the neighbor's yard in my robe. I kept seeing him trying to get me to talk to him. Until finally I turned to look over and someone was staring at me through the window. It seemed like reality slipped in a little, so I slipped my way back home. Then finally I was puking and spewing poop from my anus at the same time in bed next to him, he finally woke up. I was so weak he had to shower me and dress me, off to the ER we went without my shoes! I remember being so hungry already on day three without eating because of the drugs. Then they told me a liquid diet. I was devastated! I asked Jared to get me a cheeseburger from MC Donald’s. The nurse said you better hurry up before they get you to your room, but he didn’t come back. I guess my heart rate got so low I almost died. Then to find out I was septic, a longer liquid diet. I was hospitalized for three weeks.

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