OUT IN THE COLD!
Updated: Mar 5
My baby needs me! I have been fighting this disease for far too long. It has been a heart racing and heart breaking feat. I just can’t do this on my own! My family gave up on me or I should say didn’t even try to understand my addiction. There’s no way I can do this alone. Yes, I should have this down pat by now. But my friend for the day aka Watson; just would not go away still to this day. He has fleatedly depleted me to nothing. Not only has he but he has also lead leakers to my house. That was supposed to be for my children; to leak out all of their items and mine. Everything is gone! The house is a disaster! I was staying at my mom’s to be close to my children, while addicts have been going there to squat. Not only to find out that he is still making meth there.
Well see I am a product of my environment. Sit down and read this PLEASE! SEE ADDICTS HAVE HABITS! Well don’t we all! Now back to my environment. My parents are enablers! ENABLERS SUCK! They hurt you tenfold and extra bold! And of course you`re sold. You never have to do what you are told. Until they leave you in the cold.
I must be stupid or something! How could I go through this hell!? You guys are not even doing your job! Not once have you checked into my outpatient treatment! Or give me UA’s on a consistent basis! You have not held me accountable for my Actions! My baby has been placed in harm’s way! ACCORDING to your rules! No one should be by their children within 24 hours of a controlled substance! Therefore if you take opioid controller. Where you cannot even operate machinery afterwards! How is that person is to care for a child or for that matter even be in the presence of a child? Not to mention the conditions of their living arrangements! First off it is not baby proofed. Secondly the fire department would have a field day over there. Very unsafe living condition! Or the feces lying around all over the place because no one will take the time to pickup/properly train the dog. No one is communicating what is going on with them to me or what is in their best interest? Well from what I gathered, “it was in the best interest of the child to be place back with the mother.” Doesn’t that make me the person of interest!
But, yet I am the homeless person! Because I relapsed! Which are inevitable! I am weaning myself out of my BAD habit. See the whole world is vindictive; apparently my relapse hurt my mom so bad she wouldn’t even let me kiss and hug my baby. My baby’s are the only thing I want in this whole entire world. She has my heart and she is squeezing it. How am I to get sober this way? It is a redundant strand of hurting! Addict’s need structure, consistency, and support to become healthy again. When you are homeless there is no telling what will come next. There’s way too much to carry, so you leave a little behind here and there. Then when someone does agree for you to spend the night it is only a couple of days, so it doesn’t pay to set up your treatment or look for a job. Everyone you ask to stay with looks at you as if your some kind of huge liability.
They say your environment is not a factor on why you take the actions you do. But in my opinion your environment is 100% why you do the things you do. Because it is where you start out or where you have been stuffed into. And those are the key elements of what you have to work with. My goodness if you have an environmental triggers; how does your environment not take a role in the decisions that you make? Yes you are the ultimate decider on where you end up. But your environment is the key to your success. Every time you lose your environment you need to start all over again. It’s like a hopeless feat!
SO MANY PEOPLE ARE RACIST TO ADDICTS! They don’t see that this is a disease. People don’t have a choice it is in their DNA. We are sick! They act like we have an on/off button to it. I don’t do drugs because I like it or enjoy it. Actually I hate drugs! I am disgusted with who I am on drugs. The reason I do drugs is to numb the pain. And the reason I hurt the most is because I don’t have my kids. My one and only greatest accomplishment in my life; my children.