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My Solo Career

I owned a house once when this whole capsized relapse started. It was intended for me and well at the time my three children, but the stork came because the dork wouldn’t leave. “I got a ticket for the long way home.” It had always been a lifetime dream to possess a home for us. A special place for my family. Without restraint my addiction dismembered that. I guess it wasn’t meant to be a member of the family. You might as well call it the “House of Pain.” Because the only time I spend there is when my parents took the welcome mat, meanwhile the “Liars, Leakers, and Liberals” always had a welcome mat. Yup I redundantly went back to the drugs.

Unfortunately, the children moved into my parent’s house and they said they would not move in there, until I got rid of my boyfriend. They blamed him for my relapse. Because there are no CAPS ON MY RELAPSE. I would always capsize, “Watership” down and it is always the same murky water. At least I couldn’t find any maps. It sure brought me down to my kneecaps. Before this relapse, I had about four years sobriety, thanks to the OWI Court, it gave me a sober network. But recently, I have been denied drug court because they say I already have the tools to survive! But it is my nature to lose these tools. This is a chronic disease I failed to stay on top of. Instead I got a ticket to be wrecked and I did no checking just the wrecking ball. I sure would have enjoyed my family’s sweet company. But they didn’t understand they just undermined me! And I wasn’t standing for anything!

My boy fiend was a heroin addict, here within somewhere he was always sleeping. And I loved my meth. (SPEED me up to death.) THEY WERE OUR BEST FIEND! It got us through anything. How we stayed together for four years and didn’t see we need to switch careers, is beyond me. “My jobs a joke and I am broke.” Death Row has the death grip that pays us, so we’re crazy. I had the wrong routine, a bag a day, first shot right after the kids went to school. Second one right after they went to bed. Sadly, unbeknownst my best fiend thought I was an oddment. Blessedly, I just watched my boy fiend do the same a couple weeks before. Miraculously, I don’t know if it was a dream or what, something told me I might die that week. I remember kind of laughing and saying back, the only way I will die is an overdose or a car crash. Sure enough, it was the end of the week and my kids went to my mom and dads for the night. I just got off the phone with them wishing them goodnight. Blindly, I was letting my fiend tuck me in tight. You literally feel yourself slipping away. And that’s realer than the Real-Deal taking me to the Holyfield. It didn’t take long and my drug had me hooked. Yeah, and it don’t quit. Please don’t fade me tonight.

My kids stayed the weekend at my parents. Well of course, Konstance didn’t sleep a wink because I was constantly gross. The kids came home shortly after dinner. We spent some time together. Then I went in the shower. A voice that would make you cower said, aliens were going to take over the earth and I was one of the chosen ones that could live on as a slave. I thought about it for a minute. A life is better than no life. I was told to meet back there in twenty-four hours. Shortly after my shower my son, who was six at the time was hungry. Then it struck me, I don’t want to live without my kids. Having no idea how to get ahold of this alien. Suddenly he just answered, “yes bring your kids.” And rambled on all kinds all kinds of stipulations I couldn’t remember. But one particularly was what we ate. My son thought I was nuts. I didn’t know what to feed him, so I could live on with him. I should have just said, “beam me up Scotty.” This was my first introduction to my psychosis. It is surreal!

Wow, the human mind really is a remarkable thing. I took psychology in college and heard of a psychosis; my goodness holy cow it seems so REAL! Well it all flared, when I was down and out. One day I said to myself, I have just enough drugs to dispatch me out. And then I heard subject # with a ramble of off (7654765) is suicidal. Right away I commented, I am not suicidal! Or so I thought, but as I get further and further into my addiction the idea seemed more feasible than ever. “DEATH BECOMES HER!”


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