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2019 Stephanie Grosskopf 

  • stephanie grosskopf

I vow to love you forever

Updated: Dec 21, 2019

My kids stayed the weekend at my parents. Well of course, Stephanie didn’t sleep a wink because I was constantly gross. The kids came home shortly after dinner. We spent some time together. Then I went in the shower. A voice that would make you cower said, aliens were going to take over the earth and I was one of the chosen ones that could live on as a slave. I thought about it for a minute. A life is better than no life. I was told to meet back there in 24 hours. Shortly after my shower my son, who was 6 at the time was hungry. Then it struck me, I don’t want to live without my kids. Having no idea how to get ahold of this alien. Suddenly he just answered, “yes bring your kids.” And rambled on all kinds all kinds of stipulations I couldn’t remember. But one particularly was what we ate. My son thought I was nuts. I didn’t know what to feed him, so I could live on with him. I should have just said, “beam me up Scotty.” This was my first introduction to my psychosis. It is surreal!

Wow, the human mind really is a remarkable thing. I took psychology in college and heard of a psychosis; my goodness holy cow it seems so REAL! Well it all flared, when I was down and out. One day I said to myself, I have just enough drugs to dispatch me out. And then I heard subject # with a ramble of off (7654765) is suicidal. Right away I commented, I am not suicidal! Or so I thought, but as I get further and further into my addiction the idea seemed more feasible than ever. “DEATH BECOMES HER!”

One, two, three, four, five, once I was alive. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten Then I let my sickness go again. Why did you let it go? Because it bit me in the butt so. Why did you let it bite? Because I was not right.