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  • stephanie grosskopf

I might not stay ALIVE today!

Any; if there is it’s their way! Why don’t people make senses out of there senseless senses aren’t they sensing anything! DON’T THEY FEEL? Why can’t they show LOVE? Everyone just wants to spread hate. So I hurt them; can’t they forgive me. They have the biggest grudge against me! It’s not a grudge, it is racism! They hate the fact that I am an addict. Well, I can’t help it. It was how I was built! There is nothing wrong with being an addict it is just what I am adding? This is one of many, of my habits. It took me years to build these up! But one will be my dismissal!

I might not stay alive today! My pain runs too deep! I can't forget how I used to be. It strains my mind to think of how things have tumbled out. Everything remains snarled and flawed. My life is already a chaotic mess. Do you care? I might not stay alive today!

I have withered and fallen and no one is there to catch me. I have the deepest sorrow and pain from my grief. I am not strong, not strong at all for I am the weakest link. Will I ever enjoy life’s sweet endurance? I hunger for a shred of light to see the way. I need to free my anguished mind from this terrible plunge.

The unutterable ignorance you have for me has me baffled. I never intended for things to go the way they have, but they have. I am sick. I know not what I do when I am not in control of my body. I stole your thing with no bad intentions at all. My boyfriend pawned some and my leaker friends stole them from me before I could return them. But yet you still hold a grudge, so strong you take any jab possible. But yet it does not alleviate what I have done. Because the jabs are still rolling. You won’t let me fit back into your life. I can’t stop now you got the pain flowing tenfold. I need these drugs to numb the revolving pain. You must really want to make me disappear. You have turned me into your PUNCHING BAG!I JUST WANT TO DIE!

Injecting straight meth let’s your vibe slide over me. It’s a toxic concoction. I have been doing too much! You're slowly killing me! You could love another addict sitting next to you. You’ll never know who Stephanie is now. Why did you come here? What do you want now? When all Stephanie wants is to love you! Stephanie is on the outside looking in. Alienated by my family. Stephanie has to hide who she really is. I have to sleep with one eye open. My family won’t even tell me how disgusted they are with my drug use. They now thrive on watching me go uphill. They take advantage of me. Their love is vengeful, it's never free. Why oh, why do you hate me?

I might not stay alive today! Complain of me as you did behind my back. Let it be unspoken how you really feel about me! I am your stomping ground; nobody loves me; nobody cares about me; nobody wants me. The old life that we lived together so fondly has shattered!

The only thing in the world that will love me is meth. But it is killing me softly! I might not stay alive today!

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2019 Stephanie Grosskopf