IF YOU CARE BEAR!

Konstance Gross,

                     Professional Drug Addict

                              "By Day One Way; By Night Another."  

Now let me ask you, if you were a Care Bear, what would you stare at?

I had a million plus four reasons I wanted to stop! Nonetheless, what I did to them left us knuckle to knuckle all I can do is buckle. I made a grave error but how far down is the grave? I now created! I Couldn't turn around I was now upside down! Everything was following fierce! It’s far too late to take cover and my drug was my only true blue lover. It all caved in and I’m at the bottom of the rubble that didn’t crash so subtle. Slowly trying to pick up the pieces I know they fit I watched them plummet. How could I love it!?! Yet, criticized and ridiculed by my family. I was the bad guy my addiction took me away. Even when I was trying to be sober making a full throttle attempt; they didn't believe me.

Well, just feed the addiction! I can't let go they're hurting me more. Just keep running circles through this vicious cycle! I loved cutting corners. I thought I was supposed to start a revolution on my addiction. Yup that is exactly what I did every time my family cut me up to size. I doused it with gasoline; “fire on fire;” they were hurting me more! I needed it more than ever. “With this much desire I'm a winner not a sinner.” They would say your out of control! Come on now get out of that drug hole. You drug it out long enough! “But that was my perfection that gave me direction despite its actions to kill me, take my breath, and steal the things I know.” “It saved me from being left alone; out in the cold.”   

It was a nightmare how heart wrenching they were. I needed them! I had no support! I was missing my home! I wanted to be dead! All I wanted was them, but all we did was fight. “I couldn’t see the light of day!” I remember yelling at them I thought you wanted me. I would not have invested all this time in getting sober if this is how you were going treat me. My God, who develops a psychosis where they're talking to their kids that aren't even there. I miss them so much! They were my reason to live but they would never believe me.       

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